SHOULD YOUR PARTNER’S FAMILY KNOW ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE?

Dear NWSO,

I need some independent advice from a male perspective. I've been in a relationship with my man for just under a year, and we’re good… Well, kind of! He has a habit of discussing our personal business—everything but our sex life—with his female cousin. He seems to think it's okay for her to be the third person in our relationship because she’s "family." When I tell him I don't like it then he says I'm jealous of his family.

I appreciate and understand that he's very close to his family—they’re always up in each other’s business. In contrast, my family is very small and we keep to ourselves. I’m probably closer to my friends than my family but it's not a problem for me because some of my female friends are more like sisters. Anyway, back to him... He doesn't seem to get it when I tell him not to chat our personal business with his cousin, who’s made a few comments like I need to be taking better care of her cousin etc, which infuriates me. I'm a good woman and do a lot for my man. I adore him but I'm having second thoughts. I don't understand why he doesn't get it!

My boyfriend works for the military so he’s often away for two-three months at a time and we were supposed to “talk” before he went away but instead he kept putting me off. Now he's away and I'm kind of pissed that we didn't talk before he left so last night I brought it up and he admitted to running it by his cousin what he wanted to discuss with me. I got angry and told him that he should be talking to ME not his cousin, because he’s in a relationship with me, not his cousin. It's about me and him, not me, his cousin and him. He then told me he will talk when he's ready not when told. Then started to go on about my family values blah, blah, blah. I had to tell him that it had little to do with family values and more about him running his mouth to "family" and not me!

What do you suggest is his problem? I'm considering moving on—hopefully his family will keep him happy! Since when do you date a man and his family rather than dating just him? Please give me some advice.

Dear Third Wheel Woman,

My first thought was actually that it didn’t sound so bad that your man was confiding in a family member instead of some random female "friend." If that were the case, then I'd be concerned that this female confidant was actually a secret crush getting intel on your relationship and secretly trying to undermine it. With a family member, however, that wasn't even a thought BUT as you went on explaining the situation, my initial reaction immediately changed.

I'm all for family bonding but this case seems slightly extreme. You're right, your relationship shouldn't be you, your BF and his cousin. Sure, he can get an opinion on something from whoever he wants just like you can but his cousin shouldn't have so much influence over how he operates. That's just weird. Everyone should be able to think for themselves. He sounds like a mama’s boy, or more accurately a cousin’s boy. LOL